Buzz, your girlfriend, WOOF

Honestly, "woof" pretty much sums up how I have felt for a good slug of my pregnancy. I admire and applaud my friends - and strangers! - who twirled into pregnancy like woodland fairies or swung into it like a goddamn warrior ready for battle and prepared to dominate. Bravo to you. That, to me, is truly admirable and something we should all take note of. That said, I’m not someone who can relate.

To be clear, this is also not a woe-is-me situation. I have had a super easy pregnancy, and I am eternally grateful for that. Minus a few weeks of nausea, where I literally vommed so hard I peed myself (charming), and on more than one occasion had to pull to the side of the road while my dog looked on with pity. Those weeks passed quickly and then it was back to “normal.” Same appetite, same ability to work and to exercise. So far there has been relatively little interruption to my daily life, thanks mostly to a lot of denial (to the point where I packed my gym bag one morning with jeans that no longer fit me and had to walk around all day unbuttoned and unzipped, not as comfortable as it sounds) and very good luck.

The further I get into my pregnancy (2 months left to go!), the harder the changes to my body become to ignore. I love that some people feel their strongest, most empowered and most radiant during pregnancy. I feel hairy. Thanks to some strong genetics, I have had a three decade fight with body hair and paid way too much money and gone through way too much pain to laser that stuff away. I was less than amused when I started noticing more hair on my legs then I had seen in awhile. A few google searches filled me in on the fact that apparently pregnancy makes your hair grow like a wild-beast. I’m sure that’s great for some people, it’s not so cool when you have mediterranean genes though. Another un-awesome part of being pregnant? Gas, bloating, burping - all the things we try to hide, avoid and stop - well good luck my friend, because that all comes rumbling to the surface and after a certain point you either can’t control it and stop trying. (This also led me to googling about poop during birth. You’re welcome.). Then there’s the extra lbs. You know they’re coming, you know they’re natural, you know you actually need them. But like just about everything else with pregnancy, they’re weird and uncomfortable. Why did I start gaining circumference around my chest (sadly not in a good way) before my stomach? And when is my belly going to pop so I look obviously pregnant and not just....thicker. Even when you know that what’s happening is natural and normal, it’s hard let go and relax into the fact that you can’t control it. Weight is never an easy thing to talk about, and every woman experiences this differently. There are pluses, though - a full on embrace of all things flowy or tight being equally acceptable and the ability to put on a bathing suit and just look... pregnant without a second thought.

When even my stretchiest dress is impossible to get on, my husband tells my I’m suddenly snoring or I groan like an old man when I bend over, I try to keep reminding myself that pregnancy is truly insane. I almost can’t think about it too much because it’s really just nuts. So yes, I feel hairy, gassy and thick - delightful. What’s your experience been like?